krisis identiti & personaliti

salam & hello
mlm ni ngah wat design. tp ngantuk la plak. idea pn xde lg. so break la jap. mane la tau lpas tulis ni jd segar & idea mencurah2 ke...
anway, entry kali ni im just going to talk bout my problem. mcm tajuk tu lah. krisis identiti.
As you all know me, aku bukanlah yg jenis peramah. im introvert. socially awkward. pemalu. kekok apabila berdepan dgn orang yg xdikenali. well actually, im shy at first, but once im comfortable with somebody i do some serious random shits out of nowhere. haha
well the problem im facing is that, its hard for me to get new friends. sbb aku jrg interact dgn org yg xbrpa nak kenal, so kurg la rakan. nk kwn boleh je, but nk rapat ngan org lain tu.
N utk jenis aku, aku ni mmg dari dulu lg bukan jenis clan atau geng. aku mmg boleh masuk mana2 pun dgn sape2 pun la slalunya(merujuk kwn2 yg dah rapat mcm kwn 1 batch kt skolah & kt U). so kalo ak nk lepak tu mmg xpelik la aku leh msuk ngan ramai gak la orang. 1 lg aku ni mmg ssh sgt nk dpt kwn rapat. sjak dlu lg boleh kira je brpa ramai org yg btul2 best friend aku. mmg x ramai. dlm 3 org je. tu pun yg msih in contact, drop to 1.

thats a part. another part is that im a REALLY REALLY shy around girls. sejak kecik lg. so thats why aku jrg sgt interact dgn dak pompuan yg xdak kaitan sgt. bukan sombong, bukan kolot, but im extremely shy. myb sbb tu la aku xde gf kot. lol. ada dlu tu pun sbb mmg bestfren dr sjak skola lg. hehe aku ni pun 1 lg xske ngan gosip tu yg pyh nk rapat sgt ngan pompuan nnt ada trsebar gosip liar yg kta xnak. huhu..

i think i need to improve myself. on this particular matter. well its hard to change yourself that you have known and develop forever. its like my nature. but do i really need to change it? Should i just be myself? bagus ke berubah tu?
my friend once said that "Just be yourself meant in personality, not attitude." i think what he meant is that just take the good characteristic but change the bad ones. yang baik kekalkan, yg kurg baik, improve. for my case, i think i should improve myself, so i could get better PR and will aid me somehow in the future. who knows that i might find my job or even true love unexpectedly along the way, right? for example met the person at toilet in R&R or jus happened to be in the same bus or bumped at the university cafe, etc.. haha mcm drama lak en? tp tu xmustahil.
aku perlu ubah diri aku kepd yg lebih baik. cthnya past relationship did not work mainly its my fault. so utk takmau benda sama berulang i need to change. tabiat yg negatif je la. personaliti yg xbawak mudarat tu xyah la. bukan menjadi org lain but sekadar improving. mcm windows la 95-98-me-xp-vista-7-8. ios 1-3-4-5-6-7. mcm tu la. yg bgus kekalkan yg xbgus tu tgglkan improve. like from haziq to haziq 2.0 or superkamyam. hehehehe... gitu la mksudnye.

mybe gak sbb jenis org yg btol2 leh msuk ngan aku ni agak lain & special. i always dream of what would it be like to have a really close bunch of friends that really share the same passion, interest, way of talking/speaking, enthusiast and energy just like myself. it would be fun as hell. that what i imagined. dpt jumpa org yg btul2 sekepala dgn kita dr semua segi, minat genre muzik yg sama, suka kpd general info, technological facts, main jenis game yg sama, suka tgk cter yg sama etc. kalaulah leh jumpa org yg cmtu. if such people do exist i want to be with them. but then again, my teacher said to me, its hard for you to find people like you, and you cant change the people around you, nor give excuses and blames the environment. its you who have to change and adapt according to the environment. and so, aku try utk adapt dgn enviroment sekeliling. a little bit. xsemua, sbb aku tetap aku. mane leh diubah ubah.
ape pun aku rs aku kena ubah apa yg kurgnya dari segi pembinaan karekter. cthnya my self confidence yg a bit low when it comes to informal interacting with people. kalo nk g present or ckp kt depan aku xde mslah sgt bab tu. pelik kan? terbalik dgn orang lain. most of us have stage fright, agak takut/kekok nk brckp kt depan, tapi mudah bila nk interact informally dgn org lain.



well thats for todays blabbering. nk smbung wat design. or sleep. hope u enjoy urself with this post. lolz =P