da lame ak x post psal hati & perasaan kan? well, here goes~
its been more than a year since my breakup. i am improving to get over her. nevertheless its really hard to trully get over her. honestly deep deed down there is a tiny bit inside of me that i lounged for her.
she is my first. for me she was perfect. too bad it could not work out. sigh
as i told you before. i am madly deeply in love with her. i couldnt stop thinking bout her. i did want to get back together again and amend my mistakes but she dont want me anymore. also that we sometimes still do contact each other and ask how we all been doing, but thats just it. because we value our friendship so much. we used to be best friend. taknak la hubungan tu terkubur mcm tu saja.
due to failure of trying to get her off my mind, i just accept that i still love her. that is better than trying to convince myself that i dont. denying is worst actually. no matter how i tried.
to really move on you must find someone or so they said but i dont want to be hurt again, and i dont want to hurt anybody. yeah that is what i hold on to now.
i dont want just a rebound love, which mean that find somebody to forget somebody. it might looked like a decent decision but in long term? because that is the thing. i think that i am rebound love. i was friendzoned. then she breakup with her ex, after a few months i ask her to be with her and she said yes.
because during that time, our emotion cloud our judgement. after breakup is the most vulnerable phase for anybody. for me, jodoh tak ke mana. cepat or lambat. it will come when the time is right. meanwhile for the time being i did have the chances to know more about girls. probably my lack of knowledge about them makes my relationship did not last.
i must be patience and hope for the best. also i feel that being in relationship but did not have proper plan in marriage in shortcoming is somehow problematic. thing is girl goal is to get married when in relationship. as for me, i have to accomplish and to get many more things in life. for example, after this i will graduate and worked for a bit before continuing my 2nd professional part II degree. i want to buy superbike. i want to travel backpacking with friends. i want to serve my family. there are lots of thing did i want to do. if i marry then those thing i cannot do because i have resposibilities to my wife, and somehow to the family of my wife. so im better of single to achieved those things i mention before. im better alone. unless there are somebody who are willing to wait that long. i doubt that. im talking about 5-7 years. thats hell of a long time. who would wait that long without any proper bind kan? any female would feel insecure as time goes by. normal. anything can happen that time. if and only if, she can wait, its me who afraid that i will meet somebody else, although it will unlikely happen because when i love, i love hard, to the max. but then again, we didnt know what lies before us. the best is to avoid it. after i settle down only then im thinking about marriage. ill find someone along the way. have faith, in shaa Allah.
my life now is ok. i can cope with life. this is my final semester.(hopefully in shaa Allah). i dunno lah what to say about single life. its too lonely, but i can hell of a money. not that im a big spend thrift on gift or food to my ex, but the need to top up is high. RM10 can easily be consumed within 5-6 days. now RM10 sometimes can last for 2 weeks. tapi tu lah. sunyi. lonely. im a lonely guy fromt the start sbb its a long distance realtionshipl. so what we do only see each other during semester break and midsem. other than that its always texting, calling & fb chat. usually texting. back then it was sudden because i have nobody else to caontact. its always been with her as i said before, we were best friends. but i can live with that now. also, i can contact with more friends due to im quite free wihout the obligation to text special ones. yerp. that is the pro and cons of being single. hurmmm....
well thats quite a rambling. haha... thanks fo reading my nonesensical rant, fellas. u guys rocks.
to congratulate you here's a love shaped potato
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