Showing posts with label coping with breakups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coping with breakups. Show all posts

Monday, February 23, 2015

hati dan perasaan

Assalammualaikum readers

its been a while since aku post anything bout feelin2 ni.
truth is aku igt dgn ada moto idaman ni boleh occupy mind & rasa seronok & hilangkan void yg ada dlm hati aku lepas org yg aku sayang pergi. actually it dosent.
that my friend is a proof that money cant buy happiness

im feeling very lonely. i miss being in relationship. bgun pagi dpt text, or aku akn text. dpt wish2 gudnite. everyday wake up and have good things to look forward to. nak dgr cerita si dia. suara si dia, gmbar2 & selfie si dia. indah.
and when you had a rough day, there is someone special that you can turn tu luahkan everything and she listened and better cheer you up. i miss that. i need that.
bukan aku xbersyukur dgn apa yg ada, bukan ap yg ada sekeliling aku ni xckup, its just that ini fitrah manusia. need other people which is oppostie gender that cares for you.

as i have told ya'all earlier on my previous posts, my ex left me because she got bored and dosent love me anymore. i tried to move on but i simply cant. i dont want to rush finding other people just to forget her coz its wrong.
aku cuba utk text & kontek girl lain just to pass the time, hlgkan rs rindu ngan ex, hlgkn rs sunyi, tp diorg pun tgglkn aku gak. turn out one of the girl br lpas break up, lpas dpt balak baru terus senyap ngan aku. sakit. pedih. nasib baik belum serius.
yg sorg lg plak xtahulah apa kisahnya slow2 xreply & skrg xreply trus,
apakah dosa aku smpai kena mcm ni rupa. what have i done that i get this kind of treat?
aku xpernah buat org mcm tu kenapa aku kena mcm ni?
semua org perempuan ckp laki ni sama je. jerks. douche. playboy. habis yg aku kena ni mcmana plak?
aku xlabelkan prempuan in general, i only blame the individual

aku bukan xmo cuba lagi. its just that im afraid. im afraid to get hurt, and above all, im a fraid to hurt people. i knew how it felt so i wont do it to anyone. masa aku panjang lagi. aku nak kna keja 3 tahun lg nak langsai hutan moto. at the same time probably will do part time lecturer kt kolej komuniti or giatmara. so aku akn busy in the meantime. then, lpas dah hbis byr moto aku nak smbung bljr. PART 2. ada lg at least 2 tahun. lpas bljr kerja dlm sthun only then get married. jadi aku takut terlalu lama masa yg aku akn ambil end up the girl xboleh tunggu, or dia bosan ngan aku, or aku bosan ngan dia, or who konws what else. anything can happen dlm masa 5 tahun. i have a lot to accomplish dlm jangka masa tu. i need to serve my parent. sbb aku lah harapan diorg. abg aku sjak sjak skolah dah jrg ngan family. smpai blaja kt U lepas tu kerja KL lpas tu kawin. he didnt do much. kakak aku plak nnt kalo dia dah kawin dah tntu xdpt nak spend time coz she must be with her hubby kan. so left to me. i need to be the one they can depend on.

if and only ada girl yg sudi terima aku seadanya & faham situation aku & willing to tolerate with all that mention earlier alangkah bagusnya. tapi kalau perempuan mentaliti dia & parent ni, dia nak kawin cepat, mana bleh tunggu2 lama2. so im guessing the best is cari yg lg muda 3-5 tahun dr aku. tp mana nak cari?
my taste is dia sedap mata dipandang, xsemestinya cantik & hot, good education, & good family background. aku pilih yg ada agama gak la, tp bukan too religious sbb aku pun bukan alim sgt, aku xlayak utk itu, berpakaian sopan, dia mestilah baik & caring. i may be demanding and ask too much, tp xsemestinya all like that. as long as aku suka dia, dia suka aku and it settled. mak ai bab jodoh plak
melalut jauh sgt nih.
yeah aku xkn dpt yg mcm tu msa skrg sbb org yg baik mcm tu tuhan jaga dia for the right people and the right time. kalo ada rezeki dpt mcm tu alhamdulillah la. frankly saying semua ciri2 yg aku nak pada seorg perempuan ada pada ex aku. ciri fizikal, perangai & karekter, education background & family, kerohaniam semua la. its sad. mybe tuhan dah tunjuk that aku xlayak utk org mcm tu. dan skrg mmg aku cuba baiki segala kelemahan yg ada dgn diri aku supaya aku layak dpt that kind of person or even better.

but for now, still nothing. i have nothing. gf xde, org yg aku boleh djkan sbg tmn mesej pun xde.
im not saying im desperate cos desperate people will do anything, im not cheap like that. i have dignity, im not heartless that can hurt people without feeling anything.


sekian saja blog ini. thanks for reading.


Thursday, April 24, 2014

my rant. takde ape2 penting pun...

Assalammualaikum
da lame ak x post psal hati & perasaan kan? well, here goes~

its been more than a year since my breakup. i am improving to get over her. nevertheless its really hard to trully get over her. honestly deep deed down there is a tiny bit inside of me that i lounged for her.
she is my first. for me she was perfect. too bad it could not work out. sigh

as i told you before. i am madly deeply in love with her. i couldnt stop thinking bout her. i did want to get back together again and amend my mistakes but she dont want me anymore. also that we sometimes still do contact each other and ask how we all been doing, but thats just it. because we value our friendship so much. we used to be best friend. taknak la hubungan tu terkubur mcm tu saja.
due to failure of trying to get her off my mind, i just accept that i still love her. that is better than trying to convince myself that i dont. denying is worst actually. no matter how i tried.
to really move on you must find someone or so they said but i dont want to be hurt again, and i dont want to hurt anybody. yeah that is what i hold on to now.

i dont want just a rebound love, which mean that find somebody to forget somebody. it might looked like a decent decision but in long term? because that is the thing. i think that i am rebound love. i was friendzoned. then she breakup with her ex, after a few months i ask her to be with her and she said yes.
because during that time, our emotion cloud our judgement. after breakup is the most vulnerable phase for anybody. for me, jodoh tak ke mana. cepat or lambat. it will come when the time is right. meanwhile for the time being i did have the chances to know more about girls. probably my lack of knowledge about them makes my relationship did not last.

i must be patience and hope for the best. also i feel that being in relationship but did not have proper plan in marriage in shortcoming is somehow problematic. thing is girl goal is to get married when in relationship. as for me, i have to accomplish and to get many more things in life. for example, after this i will graduate and worked for a bit before continuing my 2nd professional part II degree. i want to buy superbike. i want to travel backpacking with friends. i want to serve my family. there are lots of thing did i want to do. if i marry then those thing i cannot do because i have resposibilities to my wife, and somehow to the family of my wife. so im better of single to achieved those things i mention before. im better alone. unless there are somebody who are willing to wait that long. i doubt that. im talking about 5-7 years. thats hell of a long time. who would wait that long without any proper bind kan? any female would feel insecure as time goes by. normal. anything can happen that time. if and only if, she can wait, its me who afraid that i will meet somebody else, although it will unlikely happen because when i love, i love hard, to the max. but then again, we didnt know what lies before us. the best is to avoid it. after i settle down only then im thinking about marriage. ill find someone along the way. have faith, in shaa Allah.

my life now is ok. i can cope with life. this is my final semester.(hopefully in shaa Allah). i dunno lah what to say about single life. its too lonely, but i can hell of a money. not that im a big spend thrift on gift or food to my ex, but the need to top up is high. RM10 can easily be consumed within 5-6 days. now RM10 sometimes can last for 2 weeks. tapi tu lah. sunyi. lonely. im a lonely guy fromt the start sbb its a long distance realtionshipl. so what we do only see each other during semester break and midsem. other than that its always texting, calling & fb chat. usually texting. back then it was sudden because i have nobody else to caontact. its always been with her as i said before, we were best friends. but i can live with that now. also, i can contact with more friends due to im quite free wihout the obligation to text special ones. yerp. that is the pro and cons of being single. hurmmm....


well thats quite a rambling. haha... thanks fo reading my nonesensical rant, fellas. u guys rocks.
to congratulate you here's a love shaped potato






Sunday, December 29, 2013

nasi lemak kerang telur mata

Assalammualaikum semua. amacam?
hehe lame aku update blog an?
hehe bz + malas.. bnyk kau nk cter ni tp ntah la.. trlalu bz & xdak mood nk tulis
okies utk kali ni aku nk cter 1 je. psal sorg kwn aku ni break up. aku sbnrnye xde la rapat sgt ngan die ni & aku pn xtau la cmne relationship diorg ni. yg awek die tu lg la aku xkenal pn, tp 1 department.
die break up, lpaih tu meroyan dia ni gila gak la.. aku xsure sgt la, sbb aku tgk ok je. besa la break up kan.
mst la sakit. tambah pompuan tu yg  mntak break dgn dia. haih. pompuan ni seng je nk pisah ngan laki cmtu je. personally aku xtau kes ape, xtau la salah sape & aku xtau la pompuan ni jenis cmne, & aku pun xtau la member aku ni pun sbnrnye jenis cmne. aku mmg xnak involve & blame sape2 dlm kes ni. bukan gak aku nk judge based on experience aku & cerita2 sekeliling aku yg xbnyk mana pun.. bukannya apa but, kenapa pompuan cepat sgt bosan ngan laki? memula nak lepastu xnak men blah gitu je??? yes laki pun banyak buat benda sama, in fact laki lg bnyk & lagi teruk sbnrnya, sbb ramai gak la org yg aku kenal cmtu, treat pompuan ni memain. cam mainan. dah puas/ boring/ get too attached or closed tgglkan cmtu je cari baru. aku plg benci golongan yg jenis mcm ni. aku harap korang yg perangai camni mampus kena langgar lori!!! bodoh! bangang!! sial!! lacao!! nakharoom!! anjing!! asshole! shit!! motherfucker!!
sori aku bnyk mencarut.. sblum ni aku mna nak mencarut kt blog ni, tapi aku dah marah sgt sampai xleh tahan dah.(bukan particularly marah kt ex kwn aku tu ye) but generally org yg meng - end - kan realtionship tanpa sebab yg munasabah. yes myb satu pihak tu teruk sgt perangai smpai trpksa break, but come on la org boleh berubah. tp kalau da mmg hardcore teruk & xreit2 nk berubah mmg deserve tgglkn pun.
oklah berbalik kt cter mmber aku ni org kte die meroyan truk. aku kesian kt dia sbnrnya. i feel you bro. aku prnah ditnggalkan ex aku. reason die, sbb die dah boring ngan aku. br setahun kapel.  tapi kenal lama dah sejak skola lg. aku taruh harapan kt dia lama dah. aku tunggu je dia. dia siap pernah friendzone aku. msa tu aku mmg da sedih gila tahap gaban dah. malu pun ada sbb da confess tp kena reject. rs cam shit je. then kwn2 aku semua kutakn smgt aku sruh truskan je msj2 ngan die, call die. then satu hari breakthrough aku confess skali lg, die terima aku. maka bermula la kehidupan aku brkapel. lama2 dia da jrg nk reply msj, bila call ssh nk jwb.. mcm2 alasan dia bg. last2 dia bgtaw yg dia dah boring ngan aku & nk stop realtionship. sedih. devastated. aku rs cam sampah doe. rs hina gila. aku tunggu dia dekat 4 tahun. da dpt, lepas setahun, die tinggalkan aku cmtu je. mmg long distance realtionship ni mmg susah. da la pernah kena friendzone plak tu. then aku come out with this saying :

"getting out of friendzone is merely winning a simple battle. the long war starts only then"

aku tau bnyk gak salah & silap aku. aku mmg sedar tu semua aku nk berubah tp die xbg pun aku second chance. nk buat cmna. sedih. aku ngaku salah aku semua tu. tp dia dah xnak. aku rs sedih sgt2. dia pun bukannya perfect sgt pun but aku boleh terima dia seadanya, aku xkisah sgt pun semua tu.
eh termelalut plak.  aku nk cter psal mmbe aku ni. lol
ok aku kesian sgt kt mmber aku ni sbb diorg ni satu studio kot. so boleh kata almost everyday jumpa. mana taknye. kalo aku ni long distance at least xyah la ngadap muka ex aku tu. kampus pun lain2. so chances are that aku ssh la nk jmpa dia, melainkan kalo ada perjumpaan ngan kwn2 lama sbb dia classmate skola aku dlu. & aku ni bernasib baik la dia jrg gila men fb. so xde la aku nmpk story die selalu naik, abb aku ni mmg kaki fb yg sgt tegar. eh, cter psal aku lg, aku nk cter sal mmbe aku ni.
so aku dgr mmbe aku ni a block fb, tweeter & insta ex die. hmm.... kesian do ngan die.
lpas tu ade plak kwn2 aku ckp die ni lebih2 sbb break up & nak compare ngan aku ckp aku ni rilek je.
sbnrnye diorg xtau ape yg jd kt aku time ak break tu. diorg xtau pun perasaan aku. aku jenis xletak semua kt fb. cma ada kadang2 kt blog. lain suma kau senyap. xde sape tau. sal bab2 ni aku ssh nk cer kt org semua sbb aku pernah dibetray. hbis semua rahsia aku kena jaja. siot je. lgpn kalo aku ni sbb aku dlm realtionship biase2 je. dgrnye mmbe aku ni mmg bg 100% dlm realtionship dia. smpai ckp kdg2 sggp xblik tmn awek die time tu. mmg la kesian. bg 100% cmni pulangan die.. mmg kesian la..
at least aku ni xde la spent everything sampai cmtu skali. aku sbnrnye xde la kenal sgt ngan mmbe aku yg break up ni smpai aku nk kesian sedih bagai kt dia. ni cma luaran je. xtau la kot dia sndiri punca break up tu kan? ntah aku xtahu.


p/s: korg perasan x tajuk entry ni xde langsung kaitan ngan isi die? hahahahaha saja je letak tajuk ni.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

finding strength. getting back on feet.



 people say each passing day you get wiser. yes it does, but sometimes, the old you have answer for future you problems. changes is good but sometimes its worth a quick glance back at your old self and fire the core principles that you set up first, sometimes it scares you that you are away from what your grounds. its time to think back and get back on track. as for me i found this notes on FB that i posted a long time ago.







yeah
this all about it.


Have you ever felt down before? i mean like you hope something so freaking high and suddenly like the whole universe came down crushing on you?
Then you felt like there are nothing left for you in this world. Actually you are wrong.
There are more things in life what is important now. Thousands of things that can be done. God created this awesome place with fantastic people create many things to cheer up and get on with our life.
One people let you down, hundreds others supports you and help you get back on your feet
You may not succed alone. Friends and family are there to support you. If you have none, make one. If you cant, Take note that God, Allah swt. always there for you.
Plenty of things you can do to cheer up your boring life or broken life.


as for me i love;


dance
work out
draw & colour
explore on design
music
sing
guitars
drums
keyboards
shuffle
swimming
surfing the web
on9
reading & writing fics
gadgets
Technologies
war machines
cars
bikes
aircrafts
ships
trucks
amphibian assault vehicle
martial art
military
look myself in the mirror
thinking and imagining things
art
riding
driving
sleeping
listening to musics
islam
travelling
meeting people
architecture
cats
wild animals
cartoons
eat
strategy game
RPG games
PSP
movies



in Shorts, i love to -
expressing myself via anything,
i love anything that i can express my inner self to.


thats me. In psycologist & human behaviour experts says, im the expressionist type. I express how i feel. kinda lunatic way.



if somebody dosent accept me, so what?? i cant just abandoned 'ME' that i known since forever and become somebody else.
life must go on, right? if you feel being treated like a piece of crap, let it be.
you cant change people. but you can change 'YOU'. If you think you need to improve on your weakness & attitude, do it.
If you think it is unnecessary, then dont.
Only you knows yourself better than anyone else. There are probably strong reason why you acting like this and that. You know you must do stuff your way couse you feel like it.
Of course other people say sometimes is a good way of looking you in another perspective, but you cant just satisfies everyone, right?
so, in order for you to overcome the stress you bourden yourself, get in line with the cheerful things in life.
and remember, dont forget your origin & your purpose living here. lastly, dont ever break your own life principles & religion basics rules.


peace allz =>