hati dan perasaan

Assalammualaikum readers

its been a while since aku post anything bout feelin2 ni.
truth is aku igt dgn ada moto idaman ni boleh occupy mind & rasa seronok & hilangkan void yg ada dlm hati aku lepas org yg aku sayang pergi. actually it dosent.
that my friend is a proof that money cant buy happiness

im feeling very lonely. i miss being in relationship. bgun pagi dpt text, or aku akn text. dpt wish2 gudnite. everyday wake up and have good things to look forward to. nak dgr cerita si dia. suara si dia, gmbar2 & selfie si dia. indah.
and when you had a rough day, there is someone special that you can turn tu luahkan everything and she listened and better cheer you up. i miss that. i need that.
bukan aku xbersyukur dgn apa yg ada, bukan ap yg ada sekeliling aku ni xckup, its just that ini fitrah manusia. need other people which is oppostie gender that cares for you.

as i have told ya'all earlier on my previous posts, my ex left me because she got bored and dosent love me anymore. i tried to move on but i simply cant. i dont want to rush finding other people just to forget her coz its wrong.
aku cuba utk text & kontek girl lain just to pass the time, hlgkan rs rindu ngan ex, hlgkn rs sunyi, tp diorg pun tgglkn aku gak. turn out one of the girl br lpas break up, lpas dpt balak baru terus senyap ngan aku. sakit. pedih. nasib baik belum serius.
yg sorg lg plak xtahulah apa kisahnya slow2 xreply & skrg xreply trus,
apakah dosa aku smpai kena mcm ni rupa. what have i done that i get this kind of treat?
aku xpernah buat org mcm tu kenapa aku kena mcm ni?
semua org perempuan ckp laki ni sama je. jerks. douche. playboy. habis yg aku kena ni mcmana plak?
aku xlabelkan prempuan in general, i only blame the individual

aku bukan xmo cuba lagi. its just that im afraid. im afraid to get hurt, and above all, im a fraid to hurt people. i knew how it felt so i wont do it to anyone. masa aku panjang lagi. aku nak kna keja 3 tahun lg nak langsai hutan moto. at the same time probably will do part time lecturer kt kolej komuniti or giatmara. so aku akn busy in the meantime. then, lpas dah hbis byr moto aku nak smbung bljr. PART 2. ada lg at least 2 tahun. lpas bljr kerja dlm sthun only then get married. jadi aku takut terlalu lama masa yg aku akn ambil end up the girl xboleh tunggu, or dia bosan ngan aku, or aku bosan ngan dia, or who konws what else. anything can happen dlm masa 5 tahun. i have a lot to accomplish dlm jangka masa tu. i need to serve my parent. sbb aku lah harapan diorg. abg aku sjak sjak skolah dah jrg ngan family. smpai blaja kt U lepas tu kerja KL lpas tu kawin. he didnt do much. kakak aku plak nnt kalo dia dah kawin dah tntu xdpt nak spend time coz she must be with her hubby kan. so left to me. i need to be the one they can depend on.

if and only ada girl yg sudi terima aku seadanya & faham situation aku & willing to tolerate with all that mention earlier alangkah bagusnya. tapi kalau perempuan mentaliti dia & parent ni, dia nak kawin cepat, mana bleh tunggu2 lama2. so im guessing the best is cari yg lg muda 3-5 tahun dr aku. tp mana nak cari?
my taste is dia sedap mata dipandang, xsemestinya cantik & hot, good education, & good family background. aku pilih yg ada agama gak la, tp bukan too religious sbb aku pun bukan alim sgt, aku xlayak utk itu, berpakaian sopan, dia mestilah baik & caring. i may be demanding and ask too much, tp xsemestinya all like that. as long as aku suka dia, dia suka aku and it settled. mak ai bab jodoh plak
melalut jauh sgt nih.
yeah aku xkn dpt yg mcm tu msa skrg sbb org yg baik mcm tu tuhan jaga dia for the right people and the right time. kalo ada rezeki dpt mcm tu alhamdulillah la. frankly saying semua ciri2 yg aku nak pada seorg perempuan ada pada ex aku. ciri fizikal, perangai & karekter, education background & family, kerohaniam semua la. its sad. mybe tuhan dah tunjuk that aku xlayak utk org mcm tu. dan skrg mmg aku cuba baiki segala kelemahan yg ada dgn diri aku supaya aku layak dpt that kind of person or even better.

but for now, still nothing. i have nothing. gf xde, org yg aku boleh djkan sbg tmn mesej pun xde.
im not saying im desperate cos desperate people will do anything, im not cheap like that. i have dignity, im not heartless that can hurt people without feeling anything.


sekian saja blog ini. thanks for reading.